I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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