Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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