Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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