i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
