dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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