She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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