Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
