why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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