Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
