Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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