I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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