I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
