Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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