true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
