I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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