quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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