I just threw up on my dentist
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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