So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
