You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
