When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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