you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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