I love black thongs
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
