This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
