he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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