i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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