All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
