JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
