Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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