I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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