She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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