Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
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I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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