i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's official drugs can't kill me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That accounts for only three of the penises
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
