After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
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White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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