Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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