I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
