He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
