I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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