i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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