can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
