yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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