what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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