I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
