You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
