I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
