Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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