My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
