just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
