so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
