so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
