How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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