I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
