I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
