look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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