Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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