were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
is it fun? or sober?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
