I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
