I heard we made out
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
