The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
