garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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