What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
