so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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