how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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