I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize