weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
