they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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