Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
