she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
