She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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