Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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