So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
