I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
