so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
