I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Will exercising make me less horny?
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