cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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