can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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