Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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