Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
And then he peed in my hair
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