lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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