Non-Jews are for practice
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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