I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I will be naked everywhere
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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