apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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