I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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