Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
