k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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