I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
