how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he had hair everywhere except his balls
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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