I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The struggles of a small town man whore
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
