i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
