Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
